Bad Student Excuses

U R a graduate student? OMG.

2011-12-12T17:10:00.002-06:00

From a GRADUATE student who had not been to class for two months: "I apologize that it has taken me this long to contact u. It wasn't my intent. I Have been out of town ... I would really like an opportunity to talk to u in person to explain. Would u be willing to meet me at your office at your convenience? I can make any time or day work. I look forward to hearing from u. Again, I apologize for not contacting u sooner."

Your class is interrupting my life

2011-12-10T09:20:00.000-06:00

In the middle of class, a student jumped up, put on his coat and headed for the door, saying, "I have to send a fax."

Do not 'like' in class

2011-11-04T08:09:00.000-05:00

In the middle of class, a student cried out, grabbed her phone, and ran out the door. Everyone left in the class looked around, wondering whether she had received news that someone died or had been offered the job of a lifetime. The professor later asked the student if everything was OK. "Oh yes," she said. "I accidentally pressed 'Like' on the wrong thing on Facebook."

Smurfs?

2011-11-01T10:03:00.002-05:00

From a student paper: "He was born on Feb. 18 to a blue-color family."

Take me out to the classroom

2011-10-24T13:10:00.002-05:00

Tweet from a professor: "So what if you have tickets to the #WorldSeries, you can't be excused from class that ends at 3:50. Game starts at 7:05 #firstworldproblems"

I have the right to poor grammar!

2011-10-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

A student told his professor that taking points off an assignment for poor grammar and punctuation was a violation of his First Amendment right to freedom of expression. The professor pointed out that the Constitution, including the Bill of Rights, is written with correct grammar, spelling and punctuation.

Wasn't he in that movie "Citizen & Kane?"

2011-09-28T15:59:00.000-05:00

"An early example of the film industry is the company Orson & Wells."

Dude, where's my keys?

2011-09-19T13:33:00.002-05:00

"I can't be in class today. I went home this weekend, and somehow I lost my car keys. We've looked everywhere and couldn't find them, so I had to wait until today, when the dealership was open, so that I could get another set made."

A foxy dilemma

2011-09-16T10:16:00.000-05:00

"Hi this is ________ ________. I'm in the Friday 9:00 lab section for _________.
I have a pet fox (yes, odd I know) whom was neutered a few days ago and I just got him out to find that his stitches have come undone. Right now I'm taking him to the pet hospital. Hopefully I can make it to class, but they said their staff is low today so they might not be able to get to him until 9:30 or 10. If there is anything I can do please let me know!
(thought I'd include something for documentation)"

Like, college campuses and libraries have computers?

2011-09-14T09:22:00.001-05:00

A professor contacted a student to ask her why she hadn't turned in any work for the class. The student explained that she didn't have an Internet connection in her apartment. The course is exclusively online.

Wait, what day is it?

2011-09-03T17:05:00.002-05:00

"Sorry about not making class Wednesday by the way. Thought it was Thursday aallll day."

Getting a charge out of class

2011-09-02T11:27:00.000-05:00

A student was late to class and told the professor he had to get his charger out of his car. The professor assumed he meant his cellphone. But the student said, no, he had to charge himself, meaning his court-ordered ankle monitor.

Commitment problems

2011-09-02T09:25:00.002-05:00

"Hey! I'm not going to be in class today! I had committed to something this afternoon that I can't miss!"

I missed class for mint chocolate chip

2011-04-28T21:20:00.000-05:00

"I ate so much ice cream that I fell asleep."

It was worth it.

2011-04-15T10:45:00.001-05:00

Dear Professor ___________,

I was coming up on the end of a day-long Battlestar Galactica S1 marathon when I realized what time it was and that I had missed the exam.

I am entirely aware that I will now fail this course and I just wanted to say it was worth it. BSG is a great show, and you should check it out sometime if you haven't.

Sincerely,

_____________

Sex change?

2011-04-09T12:21:00.002-05:00

"I couldn't come to class because my mom was having a vasectomy."

No more blond jokes, please

2011-03-02T08:50:00.000-06:00

A student kept asking her professor questions about a concept she was teaching in class. Finally, the student stopped and said, "I don't know why I can't figure out this answer. I guess I'm just too blond." The fact that her professor is blond did not seem to faze her.

Ice, ice baby

2011-01-31T22:05:00.000-06:00

E-mail received by a professor two hours before class, when the temperature was 57 degrees: "I know some classes around denton have been cancelled, so I'm just wondering if we're still on tonight in Dallas in lieu of the ice storm. Thanks so much!"

An X-rated excuse

2010-12-09T11:49:00.002-06:00

"I can't do the assignment because the police have confiscated my computer. I can probably make it up next week after it passes the porn scan."

You turned that in, seriously?

2010-12-09T10:38:00.000-06:00

From a professor's Facebook status in the midst of grading finals: "_____________ is grading some student papers and is sorely tempted to simply write 'WTF' on some of them and go home and cry."

Could it be the telltale heart?

2010-11-09T09:15:00.002-06:00

Student sent a tweet: "There’s an animal stuck in my wall. Waiting for the landlady to get here. Will probably be late to class."

Make it quick!

2010-11-03T19:11:00.002-05:00

"I missed class on Monday. Can I come to your office right before class and find out everything you taught that day?"

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink.

2010-11-03T19:09:00.000-05:00

Sent to a professor on a Wednesday after the student missed classes Monday and Wednesday: "The weekend was a bit long and my sleeping schedules have been all off.But i fixed it today with a nice sleep in, haha!"

Pokey Lube

2010-10-03T19:48:00.000-05:00

A student arrived an hour after his lab had ended. "I just had to pay $45 for a cab ride here," he told a fellow student within earshot of the professor. "I was getting my oil changed and I fell asleep for four hours. The people at the shop didn't wake me up like they were supposed to!"

Something here just doesn't add up...

2010-09-29T16:07:00.001-05:00

"I'm locked out of my apartment and have to wait until the office opens. The management changed the locks over the weekend, and they didn't inform me."

An engaging engagement

2010-08-30T13:32:00.002-05:00

"Can I please be excused from (the first day of) class? I have a previous engagement I already committed to.” Upon further questioning the professor learned the previous engagement was an appointment with her wedding planner. Request denied.

...and so is your spelling.

2010-06-02T19:40:00.000-05:00

From a student's evaluation of a professor: "Humans are failiable."

I'm really, really bad with numbers.

2010-05-11T14:51:00.003-05:00

Student: "Where's your office? I needed to turn some stuff in, but I couldn't find it."
Instructor: "550J"
Student: "Is that on the 4th floor?"

Like, isn't that your responsibility, not mine?

2010-04-21T14:38:00.003-05:00

Student to professor: "I totally forgot we had a paper due today. Why didn't you send us a reminder?"

Thanks, I did not need to know that

2010-04-15T08:47:00.002-05:00

"I have to move out of my apartment because of a bedbug infestation. I have to go to the doctor, too, because I’ve got pus coming out of all these bites."

I have a headache and I can't spell

2010-04-15T08:46:00.000-05:00

Text message: (exact words & formatting) Hi professor_______this _______ from class! I accidently mixed nondrowsy allergy medicine with benedryll. The combination hads made me very di
zzy and given me a headache. I am not going to be able to make it to class today. I am very sorry and I will the notes and any other infmation w
e discuss fromn ______. Thank u for ur time!

El ojo rojo

2010-02-24T19:36:00.001-06:00

"I didn't make to class Monday thanks to my roommates passing pink eye back to me again (I took a picture of my eye in case you need it), and I also had an allergic reaction to all the Valentine flowers. I still have a rash on my jawline, neck, chest, and arms as of right now. I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing an allergy doctor soon because Zyrtec and Flonase doesn't really help as it should. My skin is on fire :("

An unexpected arrival

2010-02-24T08:25:00.000-06:00

"Hey... This is ________ _______. I just had a baby so i haven't been able to turn in the last few assignments. I wasn't planning to have him this soon but it happened. I had him Monday and I was in the hospital all week. I was hoping it was OK with you to turn in my assignments still...and maybe give me a few days to get them all to you."

How old is Charles Dickens?

2010-02-09T09:47:00.001-06:00

A professor gave her class a current events quiz the week after J.D. Salinger died in February 2010. "Name the highly acclaimed author of the 1951 book 'Catcher in the Rye' who died as a recluse last week in New Hampshire," the question read. Some of the answers: Mark Twain, Charles Dickens and F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Never miss a ...

2009-12-19T09:33:00.000-06:00

This is not exactly an excuse but too good to pass up. A journalism exam contained the question,
"Never miss a ________." A female student answered "period." The professor passed her, even though the actual answer was "deadline." The professor said, "Coming from a college girl, I think that's probably an excellent answer!!"

Jailhouse Rock

2009-12-09T17:30:00.001-06:00

"I couldn't come to your class last week because I was in jail."

Mama's boy

2009-12-07T08:26:00.002-06:00

A student told the professor he was late to class because "my mom didn't call and wake me up."

Deathly ill in the Greek isles

2009-11-30T19:09:00.000-06:00

A professor (who teaches new media) received an e-mail from a student who wrote that she was deathly ill, could not come to lecture and would like his slides and notes for the next week. He looked at the "metadata" on the e-mail and discovered she was suffering from her horrible illness in Crete.

The Birds!

2009-11-23T22:05:00.001-06:00

A student was 45 minutes late to class. She explained: "I'm sorry but a bird pooped on me on the way to class and I had to go home and change my shirt and wash my hair again."

Grandma got run over by a reindeer

2009-11-21T17:47:00.002-06:00

A student was 30 minutes late to class. Afterward, he approached the professor to apologize. "Sorry, I was Christmas shopping with my grandmother," he said.

Why is your class disrupting my vacation?

2009-11-17T07:52:00.001-06:00

(Credit to the Chronicle of Higher Education's "Favorite" Student E-mails forum.)

"Dear Professor,
You don't know me, but I am registered for your course. But my family will still be on vacation for the first two weeks of classes, so all my professors are sending me the lecture notes and assignments so I won't be behind when I get there after vacation. PLease fedex them to [address]. Sincerely,
Amanda [Lastname]"

The professor replied that she would not do that and the student would get zeroes for missed assignments. So the student wrote back:
"Well, I think this is really unfair, because, after all I will be cutting into my vacation time, to do the extra work of your class, out here in Mexico, when I would rather be enjoying myself. I am considering dropping your class because of this.
Amanda"

Like, omigod

2009-11-16T19:06:00.002-06:00

"I can't be at class because I am an officer in my sorority and we are having a emergency meeting, but it's a real emergency, not like someone just got too drunk."

Folsom Prison Blues

2009-11-16T18:54:00.002-06:00

A student told her professor she could not do her work for the class because, "The prison system didn't rehabilitate my husband."
(From Jack Zibluk, associate professor of journalism)

Tommy, can you hear me?

2009-11-16T18:53:00.001-06:00

"They just changed my meds, and I can't tell if the lecture is you or the voices in my head." (From Jack Zibluk, associate professor of journalism.)

Really, it wasn't my weed

2009-11-16T18:51:00.000-06:00

A student gave the professor an arrest report, assuming it would be recognized as an official excuse. Her explanation: "I didn't know that 300-pound bag of marijuana was in the trunk. It was my boyfriend's." (From Jack Zibluk, associate professor of journalism.)

Thought I could fly like Superman

2009-09-14T13:34:00.002-05:00

"I can't type my story up because I broke my hand this weekend falling through a window with my friend."

Sibling rivalry

2009-09-12T20:43:00.003-05:00

"I can't do very good work because I have an inferiority complex about my older sister, who is smarter than me."

May I please stay in the bathroom?

2009-09-12T16:06:00.002-05:00

"I know you don't like when we miss class without letting you know but I was went to the bathroom and was locked out of my room until just now. I realize class is going on now and I could come but I'm just too upset."

Icebreaker

2009-09-12T13:53:00.000-05:00

We report excuses worldwide! At a university in Estonia, three students missed the final. Before the exam, they had driven on an ice road to an island for the day. But while they were there, the ice melted and stranded them. The instructor allowed them to make up the final.

Need. Aderall. Now.

2009-09-12T07:54:00.001-05:00

"I can't make the deadlines you set or finish these stories because I have ADHD so I can't, um, like sit still and focus and complete things."

Doggie downer

2009-09-12T07:53:00.001-05:00

"My pug is in the doggie hospital and I can't concentrate."

Journalism, schmournalism

2009-09-12T07:49:00.000-05:00

"You actually wanted me to write the story?"

The Love Boat

2009-09-11T20:13:00.000-05:00

The student said she couldn't take her final on the appointed day because her family was going on a cruise. When the instructor asked if she could take the test at an earlier date, she replied: "Well, I'd love to that day, but my sister and I decided we wanted to look really pretty for the boys on the cruise, and we're getting our hair done that day."

The Rapper

2009-09-11T20:12:00.002-05:00

"Pimp C died so I will be missing class all week."

The psychiatric care excuse

2009-09-11T20:12:00.001-05:00

"My doctor just switched my medications and I can't seem to get out of bed."

Laz-Y-Boy

2009-09-11T20:10:00.000-05:00

"My car broke down and I am too lazy to walk."

The Stabbing

2009-09-11T20:07:00.000-05:00

"I couldn't take the exam because my girlfriend accidentally stabbed me three times." The student pulled up his shirt to display three scars to the professor. A few months later, the professor told the story to a colleague who informed him the student had used the same excuse the previous year.
"Those were old scars," the colleague noted.